In her book, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter, Sue Monk Kidd writes, “Descent is not about finding light, but about going into the darkness and befriending it. If we remain there long enough, it takes on its own luminosity. It will reveal everything to us.”

I wrote this quote in my “book journal” nearly six years ago, as ideas for Invisible Inheritance began to take shape. At the time, I was wrestling with having left my vocation in ministry two years before to pursue full-time private practice. I was also graduating with my doctorate that month.

I don't remember being in a dark place in particular. Since this was several months into the COVID-19 pandemic, perhaps that's where my mind went when I wrote this quote in my book journal. But the vulnerable journal entry that I wrote next gives me insight into where my mind was at the time in June of 2020. I write, “For years, I've felt that I was in the wrong. ‘Spiritually far from God,’ ‘wandering,’ ‘confused.’ I'm just now wondering if I've been developing all along, or rather, undeveloping. Breathing. Slowly dying to the old to be reborn with something new.”

I go on…

“I find it odd that I may have to be reborn multiple times in my life.”

I'll add here now, six years later:

You may feel you are reborn many, many times across your life.

You may stumble (or willingly choose to walk) out of seasons that no longer fit or serve you.

You may find, like me, that you will have to befriend darkness to move into light.

You may find that by remaining in the darkness just long enough, you will come out completely new–reborn.

I think all of us have been in these seasons where darkness is all that you can see for now. When we're feeling aimless, lost at sea, directionless, hopeless. My therapist husband, RJ, says that when you're feeling lost at sea, start paddling in any direction where you see light. Just start paddling.

As I attempted to write a book about anxiety for the past five to eight years, I realized that what I truly wanted to portray was the befriending journey. Yes, anxiety can feel like utter darkness. Anxiety can feel like a hopeless and frustrating journey. But for anyone who experiences (or struggles with) anxiety, you know that at some point you have to look anxiety in the face and decide.

You can decide that anxiety is going to take you down, or that you are going to get through this. And that's when most people wind up in my office. At least, that's when I wound up in my first therapist's office—when anxiety was winning.

If I could look back on younger Nicole, when she was in the thick of a war with anxiety, asking her to befriend anxiety would feel impossible. Anxiety was something that I wanted to make peace with and never visit again.

What I now realize is that anxiety was here to stay. She wasn't going anywhere. She was a feeling that was trying to tell me a story about myself, about others, and about my world. She wasn't a flaw like I thought she was.

Spoiler alert: It took me nearly ten years to befriend anxiety. So don't feel too far behind.

All the while, I was counseling hundreds of anxious achievers on how to befriend their anxiety. They didn't know then that their bravery mirrored my own. I remember that there were many times when I didn't want to continue on my anxiety journey. I didn't know how to move forward—to keep paddling, as RJ says. But each time, anxiety and I figured it out.

I mentioned my book journal.

Over the past five years, I've kept this book journal. I didn't know yet what “the book” was. I just knew that it was being birthed somehow in me. It's a large, woven, red notebook I bought at Target. In it, I'd write quotes, ideas, chapter titles, conversations about the book, my thoughts, resistance to writing the book, and narrative arcs.

I shared this on a podcast interview last week, but in 2024, four years into note-taking in the book journal, I sensed that God wanted me to give up secular music. I'm not saying everyone should do this. But what started as a four-week fast turned into a year of nothing but worship music. In the book, I write about how playlists heal. I love music. So what this year-long fast did for me, I believe, was prepare me to receive what I received on February 8th, 2025, which was Invisible Inheritance.

The whole, full book. Outline and all. Not the cover. Not even the title. This book actually had a separate working title for a long time until my book team brought me the idea of “Invisible Inheritance.” But it was at 1:40 a.m. on February 8th that this book downloaded into my mind, and the very next day I began writing. Obedient to the call.

What my ten-year anxiety journey, five-year book journey, and four ferocious months of writing Invisible Inheritance taught me about anxiety is this: the anxiety journey is one that we are invited on. It's a journey to befriend anxiety. To see her as a messenger with important lessons.

That's what Invisible Inheritance is about: befriending.

I wrote another quote in 2020 on page one of my book journal. It's this: “As you heal, you become less willing to dilute yourself. You are more likely to show up with the fullness of who you are.”

That is my hope for this book and for you.

That you would heal.

That you would not dilute yourself.

That you would go into the darkness and not run or shy away, but befriend the darkness.

The darkness—the anxiety journey—will reveal everything to us.

Writing this book was one of the biggest ways I’ve ever used my voice. And if I’m being honest, it cost something. It cost vulnerability. It cost telling the truth about parts of my story that would have been easier to keep quiet. But on April 21st, it will be loud.

If you’ve already pre-ordered Invisible Inheritance, thank you. Truly. Pre-orders matter so much for authors, and your support means more than I can say. Thank you for helping carry this message forward and for sharing it with people in your life who may need it.

And if you’re local to Atlanta, or interested in traveling to visit, on launch night, April 21, from 7:00–9:00 p.m., I’ll be hosting my first-ever live event: An Evening with the Author at Social House in Roswell, Georgia.

You can learn more about the book, pre-order your signed copy, join the launch team, and reserve your seat for launch night here: nicolethaxton.com/invisible-inheritance

LATEST NEWS:

My debut book is available for preorder: Invisible Inheritance: A Guide to Healing Anxiety Across Generations.

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001. Read me if you want more vision casting tips and tools

002. Read me if you're struggling with anxiety

003. Pre-order my debut book now!

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Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.