we don’t pass down trauma—we pass down nervous systems
If you’ve ever caught yourself reacting faster than you can think (snapping, freezing, over-explaining, people pleasing, or feeling a wave of anxiety that seems bigger than the moment), this is for you.
Here’s a reframe from my upcoming book that might change how you see anxiety, parenting, leadership, and even your family history:
We don’t actually pass down trauma.
We pass down nervous systems.
Trauma, fear, and anxiety are not personality traits.
They’re nervous system responses—learned patterns of protection.
While you often hear about generational trauma, what’s really being inherited isn’t the event itself. It’s the way previous generations learned to survive it.
In the book, I call this generational anxiety.
We parent, love, lead, and live through nervous systems that were shaped long before us:
➜ A parent who stayed hyper-alert
➜ A parent who worried all the time
➜ A caregiver who avoided emotions
➜ A family culture that prized achievement
➜ Growing up in a home where rest wasn't allowed
(The list goes on and on.)
Those patterns weren’t taught in words.
They were caught through tone, pace, emotional availability, and stress responses.
This is what I call an invisible inheritance—and anxiety is often its most faithful messenger.
How to start noticing anxiety (without blaming yourself)
Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” try asking:
When do I feel most activated… certain times of day, conflicts, transitions?
Do I default to control, urgency, avoidance, or over-functioning?
In parenting (or leadership), am I responding to the present moment… or an old sense of threat?
For parents especially:
➜ Notice when your child’s distress activates your nervous system first
➜ Watch for urgency around emotions, performance, or behavior
➜ Pay attention to whether calm feels unfamiliar or unsafe
Awareness isn’t about fixing, it’s about noticing.
The good news?
What was passed down through nervous systems can be changed through them too.
That’s the heart of my upcoming book:
Anxiety isn’t a personal failure; it’s a generational pattern.
And patterns can be discovered and rewritten.
They can be made new.
You can create a new emotional legacy for yourself and your family.
I'll show you how.
The book releases April 21, 2026, and you can learn more on my website.
If this resonates, I’d love for you to pre-order your signed copy and be part of this work as it unfolds over the next few months.
We don’t heal generations by being perfect.
We do it by becoming regulated, curious, and conscious.
LATEST NEWS:
My debut book is available for preorder: Invisible Inheritance: A Guide to Healing Anxiety Across Generations.
I speak to leaders, parents, and (small and large) organizations about emotional endurance, work-life blend, high-functioning anxiety, and sustainable leadership.
If this reflection resonates with your team or community, you can learn more about bringing this work to your organization here:
Thanks for reading! Want more writings and resources?
Here are a few blog posts you might enjoy:
001. Read me if you want more vision casting tips and tools
002. Read me if you're struggling with anxiety
003. Pre-order my debut book now!
004. Join the weekly newsletter for resources, essays, and encouragement.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
