hard conversations aren’t the problem — avoiding them is
I used to panic at the thought of conflict. Even mild discomfort, like asking for a refund, saying no to an invite, or giving someone feedback, would send my nervous system into overdrive.
What if they get mad?
What if I hurt their feelings?
What if I say it wrong?
If that sounds familiar… this one’s for you.
Feeling anxious about speaking up? You're not alone.
Let’s talk about how to have the hard conversation (without losing your cool or your mind).
Because here’s the truth:
Hard conversations are never easy, but avoiding them only makes things harder.
When you avoid the tough stuff, you don’t just dodge a conversation, you often compromise your boundaries, values, peace, and sense of self.
But when you learn to move through the discomfort with clarity, compassion, and courage… everything changes.
You build stronger relationships.
You feel safer in your own skin.
And you stop carrying other people’s emotions as your own.
Why We Avoid Hard Conversations
If you’re an anxious achiever, chances are you’ve been taught (directly or indirectly) to keep the peace at all costs.
You learned that conflict = rejection.
That speaking up = selfish.
That being "too much" = unsafe.
But here’s the reframe:
Conflict isn’t inherently bad, it’s an opportunity.
Tough conversations can build trust when they’re done well.
They show you what you're willing to stand for.
They clarify relationships, expectations, and values.
Let’s break down how to do that without spiraling or shutting down.
7 Ways to Navigate Hard Conversations with Confidence
Here are the tools I use as a licensed counselor, practice owner, and fellow anxious human working on assertiveness:
1. Prepare with Clarity
Before you speak, get grounded in what matters.
What is the core issue?
What do you hope to come from the conversation?
What are 1–2 key points to focus on?
Write it down if it helps. When you go in with intention, you’re less likely to get lost in emotion.
2. Lead with Care
Start with connection, not accusation.
Share something positive or affirming if it’s genuine.
Use curiosity to invite openness.
This shifts the tone from me vs. you to us navigating something hard together.
3. Listen Like It Matters
Let them talk. Really talk. Then reflect back what you hear.
“You’re feeling frustrated because you didn’t know this was an issue, is that right?”
When people feel heard, they become less defensive and more open to feedback.
4. Stay Steady
You don’t have to absorb their emotion. You can regulate your own.
Take a few deep breaths. Sit with your feet grounded. Speak slowly. Pause when needed.
A regulated nervous system is the secret sauce of any hard conversation.
5. Be Direct + Kind
Assertiveness isn’t about being harsh. It’s about being clear and caring at the same time.
“I really value our relationship, and I also need to be honest about how I’ve been feeling.”
Use “I” statements. Avoid blame. Honor both your truth and their humanity.
6. Know What’s Yours, and What Isn’t
You are responsible for your words and your delivery.
You are not responsible for someone else’s reaction.
If they feel hurt or upset, it doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
Their response is their own and often says more about their emotional capacity than your communication skills.
7. Practice Self-Compassion Before + After
Hard convos take courage. Even when they go well, they can feel emotionally draining.
Give yourself care before and after:
A calming walk. A phone call with a trusted friend. Journaling your thoughts. A slow exhale.
You’re doing hard things.
You’re allowed to speak up.
You’re allowed to have needs.
You’re allowed to take up space.
And the more you practice, the less terrifying it becomes.
Want to go deeper?
If you’re ready to get clear on your life values, vision, and what really matters to you, download my 29-page Vision Retreat Workbook. It’s designed to help you step away from the noise and reconnect with what you want most in your personal, professional, and emotional life.
Thanks for reading! Want more writings and resources?
Here are a few blog posts you might enjoy:
001. Read me if you want more tools for navigating difficult conversations
002. Read me if you want to lead with emotional intelligence
003. Grab my free YouTube training on discovering your top life values
004. Join the weekly newsletter for resources, essays, and encouragement.
Disclaimer: This blog is not intended to substitute professional therapeutic advice. Talk with your healthcare provider about your health concerns and before starting or stopping therapies. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct professional advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
